You Can't Go Home Again
They told us that the process of re-uniting with our families would have its ups and downs. They told us that we would have a long period of adjustment ahead. They told us that it would be emotional and trying and that we should be patient and try to be as normal as possible.
They were wrong.
What they didn't tell us was how emotional it would be. They didn't tell us that it would be almost too much to handle...and that they didn't give us time to prepare.
Now...before anyone thinks that I am complaining about being home with my family, let me assure you that I am NOT. Being back with my family is a dream come true. There are not words to describe how I feel about it...Happy, excited, ecstatic...they don't even begin to scratch the surface.
I sat and listened to the briefings with the rest of my group from Iraq. I shuffled through the medical screenings and got the two shots that I needed. I sat in another room and covered all the paperwork that needed to be complete before I got home.
And...less than twenty four hours from the time I landed in Texas, I was on an airplane home.
That's part of the strange quandary of the whole situation. They rush us through quickly so that we don't have to be delayed in our reunions. However, in doing so...I think that they don't prepare us enough for what it is really going to be like.
I got off the airplane in Baltimore and headed straight to the baggage area. As I stood there waiting, I heard the slapping of little flip-flopped feet on the tile. I turned just in time for my son to slam into my legs, wrapping his arms around my middle and nearly taking me to the floor. Right on his heels was my daughter. I hugged and kissed them, and looked up to see my wife smiling at us all as she walked toward us.
I hugged and kissed her and the feelings inside me were the most overwhelming I have ever felt. It was pure bliss to be back home.
The next couple of weeks were great. I hadn't started my leave, because I was waiting for my wife and son to be done with school. So I went back to work for a couple of hours a day until school was out...then it was time for vacation.
It was during this time though...that reality set in. At some point, during a conversation with my wife, we realized that for each of us...life had gone on without the other for the last year. It was a tough a blow, and an emotional one at that. One that the military didn't prepare me for. One that caught me off guard.
Fortunately, for my wife and I...what this did was spark a realization that we were taking a lot of our relationship for granted. I think I can actually say that we are growing closer than ever now that I am back.
But...regardless of how close we are now...or how strongly we are reconnecting...it is evident that life went on for a whole year while we were apart. Some of this is good....some, not so much.
I know that I felt like I was doing the right thing by keeping certain details from my wife. Details like how close the rocket was that hit near my trailer...or how close I was to getting hit when the Helicopter I was on got shot at...or how close the car bomb was when I saw it go off. You know...the basics.
What I didn't realise was that when I got home...I needed to share all that with her. When she found out...it was as if I was keeping things from her. I took that part of out communication for granted. And now I...now WE...realize that communication is more important than ever. Even though we are back in the same house...the communication is almost more important now than it has ever been.
Then there are the kids.
I couldn't get them to realise that I am home now...for a long time. My son wanted to do everything that we couldn't do for the last year...the day I came home. It has been about six weeks now...and I think he has finally realized that I am not going anywhere.
My daughter...who has grown into quite the little lady...has a whole new personality that is all her own. For the first few weeks I was home, she would crawl into bed with me at anywhere between five and six in the morning.
She has calmed down now, and sleeps in her own bed until about eight almost every morning now.
We went back to the beach...the same one that we visit every year...and the same one that I told you about before I left. It felt so good to go and just relax...as much as I could.
We ate at our favorite pizza joint every day (sometimes twice daily...but that for the kids...honest...) On two occasions, I found myself bracing against the table as a balloon popped, and my new natural reaction to that type of noise is to hit the floor.
That brings me back to my point of not having enough time...or being prepared for the integration back into real life. I could see the look on my wife's face...as she saw the look on mine when I would brace after the "bang."
She didn't know what to think...and frankly neither did I. I was embarrassed...and then a bit angry...and in the end...I laughed it off. I almost feel like there should be a class that spouses of deployed soldiers could attend. It could teach them, or at least give them a heads up...about the possible effects of a year in Iraq on those of us that were there.
My wife is amazing. She just looks at me and I can tell that she wants to honestly make sure I am O.K. It is that look in her eyes that helps me come back to wherever I am.
I had forgotten how it is in those eyes that I found my soul mate. It is in those eyes that I found my best friend. And it is in those eyes that I am home.
So...while there is actually is an emotional roller coaster attached to re-uniting with one's family after a year apart...and it is harder than I ever thought it would be...it is wonderful. It breaks my heart when I hear about the soldier who comes home to a family that is no longer there. Or there is a certain level of irreconcilable turmoil for soldiers returning home...and their families.
What I think we all need to do...in both cases...is stop and listen. Then, put yourself in their shoes. Not just the spouses. Yes, my wife needs to know where I am coming from and it is hard for her...nigh impossible for her to understand or even fathom some of what I have been through...but she tries. And that's all it takes.
On the other hand...I can't sit here and think that she had a year long vacation. She has been a single mother for the last year. She didn't really sign up for that gig. So while I went through a world of crap last year...so did she.
She had to endure the tear filled, sleepless nights when my kids were asking, "When is Daddy coming home?" She had to go to the family cook outs...alone, and watch the other couples live their day to lives without a single care. She had to go to sleep not knowing if I would call the next day or not...because she never knew if I would make it through the night.
I can't imagine the hell she went through...nor can she imagine mine. But what he have quickly learned is that there is no such thing as "I had it worse than you."
I am back. I am happy. I have found a renewed sense of what drew me to my wife in the first place. It takes work...and patience...and a big sense of humor. But I couldn't be happier...nor would I want to be.
I am living proof, and it is for these reasons that I don't buy into the old adage...that you can't go home again.
SFC NEWMAN
OUT
They were wrong.
What they didn't tell us was how emotional it would be. They didn't tell us that it would be almost too much to handle...and that they didn't give us time to prepare.
Now...before anyone thinks that I am complaining about being home with my family, let me assure you that I am NOT. Being back with my family is a dream come true. There are not words to describe how I feel about it...Happy, excited, ecstatic...they don't even begin to scratch the surface.
I sat and listened to the briefings with the rest of my group from Iraq. I shuffled through the medical screenings and got the two shots that I needed. I sat in another room and covered all the paperwork that needed to be complete before I got home.
And...less than twenty four hours from the time I landed in Texas, I was on an airplane home.
That's part of the strange quandary of the whole situation. They rush us through quickly so that we don't have to be delayed in our reunions. However, in doing so...I think that they don't prepare us enough for what it is really going to be like.
I got off the airplane in Baltimore and headed straight to the baggage area. As I stood there waiting, I heard the slapping of little flip-flopped feet on the tile. I turned just in time for my son to slam into my legs, wrapping his arms around my middle and nearly taking me to the floor. Right on his heels was my daughter. I hugged and kissed them, and looked up to see my wife smiling at us all as she walked toward us.
I hugged and kissed her and the feelings inside me were the most overwhelming I have ever felt. It was pure bliss to be back home.
The next couple of weeks were great. I hadn't started my leave, because I was waiting for my wife and son to be done with school. So I went back to work for a couple of hours a day until school was out...then it was time for vacation.
It was during this time though...that reality set in. At some point, during a conversation with my wife, we realized that for each of us...life had gone on without the other for the last year. It was a tough a blow, and an emotional one at that. One that the military didn't prepare me for. One that caught me off guard.
Fortunately, for my wife and I...what this did was spark a realization that we were taking a lot of our relationship for granted. I think I can actually say that we are growing closer than ever now that I am back.
But...regardless of how close we are now...or how strongly we are reconnecting...it is evident that life went on for a whole year while we were apart. Some of this is good....some, not so much.
I know that I felt like I was doing the right thing by keeping certain details from my wife. Details like how close the rocket was that hit near my trailer...or how close I was to getting hit when the Helicopter I was on got shot at...or how close the car bomb was when I saw it go off. You know...the basics.
What I didn't realise was that when I got home...I needed to share all that with her. When she found out...it was as if I was keeping things from her. I took that part of out communication for granted. And now I...now WE...realize that communication is more important than ever. Even though we are back in the same house...the communication is almost more important now than it has ever been.
Then there are the kids.
I couldn't get them to realise that I am home now...for a long time. My son wanted to do everything that we couldn't do for the last year...the day I came home. It has been about six weeks now...and I think he has finally realized that I am not going anywhere.
My daughter...who has grown into quite the little lady...has a whole new personality that is all her own. For the first few weeks I was home, she would crawl into bed with me at anywhere between five and six in the morning.
She has calmed down now, and sleeps in her own bed until about eight almost every morning now.
We went back to the beach...the same one that we visit every year...and the same one that I told you about before I left. It felt so good to go and just relax...as much as I could.
We ate at our favorite pizza joint every day (sometimes twice daily...but that for the kids...honest...) On two occasions, I found myself bracing against the table as a balloon popped, and my new natural reaction to that type of noise is to hit the floor.
That brings me back to my point of not having enough time...or being prepared for the integration back into real life. I could see the look on my wife's face...as she saw the look on mine when I would brace after the "bang."
She didn't know what to think...and frankly neither did I. I was embarrassed...and then a bit angry...and in the end...I laughed it off. I almost feel like there should be a class that spouses of deployed soldiers could attend. It could teach them, or at least give them a heads up...about the possible effects of a year in Iraq on those of us that were there.
My wife is amazing. She just looks at me and I can tell that she wants to honestly make sure I am O.K. It is that look in her eyes that helps me come back to wherever I am.
I had forgotten how it is in those eyes that I found my soul mate. It is in those eyes that I found my best friend. And it is in those eyes that I am home.
So...while there is actually is an emotional roller coaster attached to re-uniting with one's family after a year apart...and it is harder than I ever thought it would be...it is wonderful. It breaks my heart when I hear about the soldier who comes home to a family that is no longer there. Or there is a certain level of irreconcilable turmoil for soldiers returning home...and their families.
What I think we all need to do...in both cases...is stop and listen. Then, put yourself in their shoes. Not just the spouses. Yes, my wife needs to know where I am coming from and it is hard for her...nigh impossible for her to understand or even fathom some of what I have been through...but she tries. And that's all it takes.
On the other hand...I can't sit here and think that she had a year long vacation. She has been a single mother for the last year. She didn't really sign up for that gig. So while I went through a world of crap last year...so did she.
She had to endure the tear filled, sleepless nights when my kids were asking, "When is Daddy coming home?" She had to go to the family cook outs...alone, and watch the other couples live their day to lives without a single care. She had to go to sleep not knowing if I would call the next day or not...because she never knew if I would make it through the night.
I can't imagine the hell she went through...nor can she imagine mine. But what he have quickly learned is that there is no such thing as "I had it worse than you."
I am back. I am happy. I have found a renewed sense of what drew me to my wife in the first place. It takes work...and patience...and a big sense of humor. But I couldn't be happier...nor would I want to be.
I am living proof, and it is for these reasons that I don't buy into the old adage...that you can't go home again.
SFC NEWMAN
OUT
posted by Unknown at 9:06 AM
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