Insomnia Sucks
Honestly...I take back every time I ever said that sleep was over rated. I mean, it's one thing to be up all night because you are with your friends or are partying, or you are having an extra "special" night with your sweetheart. All those things are your choice.
Laying in the bed, staring at the ceiling or the wall with a million and a half things running through your head, not the least of which would be "Gee, I wonder when I will fall asleep," is a completely different matter all together. And this is never more evident than when one is suffering from said sleep disorder. Which is why I am typing this...instead of being oblivious to the world around me. I laid down after work...exhausted...and tossed and turned for a couple of hours...but then, ever so slowly...my eyelids grew heavy...and what happens then?
AH, yes...that magic moment. Sweet sleep creeps upon you and you drift off to that wonderful world of dream land...where you can walk naked through your wife's place of employment and the only comment made is by one of her friends, who says, "Well...I can almost tell you've been working out for a couple of weeks." To which I responded..."That would mean so much more if I was a Jewish Lesbian." (Those of you that don't get that...don't worry. Those of you that do...well, it's true. If I were a Jewish Lesbian, there would be only one woman for me!)
And this...only to wake about four hours later, unable to fall asleep again, and start the cycle all over.
The advantage to a miserable existence of forced consciousness, is that it allows for extended periods of random thought. (And on occasion...a long overdue Blog posting.) My mind stayed on this for a while...the miserable existence part, I mean. Personally...I like to think of myself as a rather fun guy to be around. Nothing makes you question that more than the "new guy" at work.
According to him, I am a schizophrenic/manic depressive with tendencies to multiple personalities. I asked him how he knew me so well, when we've only just met.
I have been in the Army for eleven and a half years. That is more than a third of my life. It was decision I made a young man finding himself and trying to figure out a way to make it in the world. For me, it became my way of life. I AM Sergeant Newman, and I can't imagine being anything, or anyone else. I chose to be a Soldier, to be a Soldier. There were no major conflicts happening at the time...and patriotism was more than a bumper sticker or yellow ribbon magnet.
Then happened 9/11.
In a day, recruiting stations nationwide were packed, almost to bursting. America was outraged. And they wanted to "do something about it." Joining the military was clearly the way to go. Now...many of those people are out. This whole war thing took a lot longer than anyone expected and many of those that joined to do something about it...have served their terms.
The "New Guy" I mentioned before...was one of these 9/11 recruits...sort of. He waited some time after the actual attacks before deciding to actually join. When he joined, he chose the Navy Reserve. Much to his surprise, he still ended up in the desert working alongside Army Personnel.
He is forty two years old, and not at all what I would have expected from someone out here. What I like about him, is that he asks questions that a lot of people won't...or just haven't. He has been reading this blog, and asked me the other day if I still felt the way I did when I posted "Ever Wonder Why?"
The answer is...Yes, I do.
Call it bull headed optimism...or just blind faith. Either way...I think the reasons I listed in that post still hold true...though the people we are here doing if for make it difficult.
He also commented on how my posts in the beginning seemed to be much more light hearted and fun, and the more recent posts can tend to be depressing. (His words...not mine.) I like to think that I have remained positive, though realistic.
Have I become cynical...No. I've always been that way. Has it been difficult NOT to focus on the negative? Sure. But look at our news...(here I go again, right?) VA Tech played host to the largest Massacre in US history. 32 People and the gunman dead in a matter of hours. The guy's picture is all over the news and in my opinion we have turned him into this larger than life figure for other sickos to look up to.
What should we have done? We should have posted the faces of those he slaughtered and remembered them...mourned them. We should stop going into the details of this shooter's life, painting him as this mysterious figure...and call him what he was. A sick boy who did a sick thing.
It is hard not to look at the negative, when a thing like that is STILL being shown on the news, but the car bomb in Baghdad that killed a hundred and thirty some odd people in one blast barely got a day of airtime.
It is hard not to be cynical when the Pentagon extends troop tours to fifteen months time in country...to include those that have already been over here for nearly a year. Many found out...how? Not by their commanders sitting them down and explaining it...but by seeing it on the news. Their spouses...like mine, were informed of the extension via "Breaking News."
So...apparently we are doing such a good job that they need us to stay longer, though they don't want to fund us anymore and they are making statements that the "War in Iraq is Lost." Again...they don't realise the impact their words have on our morale over here.
But...all that is a cynical mindset that would lead one to think I was depressing those who read my stuff.
I am closing in on the end of my tour. (Fortunately for me...and other Individual Augmentees...the extension does not effect us.) I have twenty five days left as of now...and I am more excited than I can even describe. Iraq has changed me, yes. But I hope that it hasn't done so in a negative way...or for too long.
I am the same guy that came out here a year ago...just with a bit of a different view of things, I guess. I still think life is too short to take too seriously, and being an asshole should be reserved for times when it is only absolutely necessary. I am still a self proclaimed geek...when I am not being Sergeant Newman. Now, I just appreciate things more than I ever thought I would.
Now...I am sitting here, wondering if any of this makes any sense to those of you who are reading this. Why? Because this all stemmed from my inability to sleep. My mind has a tendency to wander and half the time I don't even know if I make sense.
I'm going back to bed...not that I'll sleep or anything...but it's worth a try.
Insomnia Sucks.
SFC NEWMAN
OUT
Laying in the bed, staring at the ceiling or the wall with a million and a half things running through your head, not the least of which would be "Gee, I wonder when I will fall asleep," is a completely different matter all together. And this is never more evident than when one is suffering from said sleep disorder. Which is why I am typing this...instead of being oblivious to the world around me. I laid down after work...exhausted...and tossed and turned for a couple of hours...but then, ever so slowly...my eyelids grew heavy...and what happens then?
AH, yes...that magic moment. Sweet sleep creeps upon you and you drift off to that wonderful world of dream land...where you can walk naked through your wife's place of employment and the only comment made is by one of her friends, who says, "Well...I can almost tell you've been working out for a couple of weeks." To which I responded..."That would mean so much more if I was a Jewish Lesbian." (Those of you that don't get that...don't worry. Those of you that do...well, it's true. If I were a Jewish Lesbian, there would be only one woman for me!)
And this...only to wake about four hours later, unable to fall asleep again, and start the cycle all over.
The advantage to a miserable existence of forced consciousness, is that it allows for extended periods of random thought. (And on occasion...a long overdue Blog posting.) My mind stayed on this for a while...the miserable existence part, I mean. Personally...I like to think of myself as a rather fun guy to be around. Nothing makes you question that more than the "new guy" at work.
According to him, I am a schizophrenic/manic depressive with tendencies to multiple personalities. I asked him how he knew me so well, when we've only just met.
I have been in the Army for eleven and a half years. That is more than a third of my life. It was decision I made a young man finding himself and trying to figure out a way to make it in the world. For me, it became my way of life. I AM Sergeant Newman, and I can't imagine being anything, or anyone else. I chose to be a Soldier, to be a Soldier. There were no major conflicts happening at the time...and patriotism was more than a bumper sticker or yellow ribbon magnet.
Then happened 9/11.
In a day, recruiting stations nationwide were packed, almost to bursting. America was outraged. And they wanted to "do something about it." Joining the military was clearly the way to go. Now...many of those people are out. This whole war thing took a lot longer than anyone expected and many of those that joined to do something about it...have served their terms.
The "New Guy" I mentioned before...was one of these 9/11 recruits...sort of. He waited some time after the actual attacks before deciding to actually join. When he joined, he chose the Navy Reserve. Much to his surprise, he still ended up in the desert working alongside Army Personnel.
He is forty two years old, and not at all what I would have expected from someone out here. What I like about him, is that he asks questions that a lot of people won't...or just haven't. He has been reading this blog, and asked me the other day if I still felt the way I did when I posted "Ever Wonder Why?"
The answer is...Yes, I do.
Call it bull headed optimism...or just blind faith. Either way...I think the reasons I listed in that post still hold true...though the people we are here doing if for make it difficult.
He also commented on how my posts in the beginning seemed to be much more light hearted and fun, and the more recent posts can tend to be depressing. (His words...not mine.) I like to think that I have remained positive, though realistic.
Have I become cynical...No. I've always been that way. Has it been difficult NOT to focus on the negative? Sure. But look at our news...(here I go again, right?) VA Tech played host to the largest Massacre in US history. 32 People and the gunman dead in a matter of hours. The guy's picture is all over the news and in my opinion we have turned him into this larger than life figure for other sickos to look up to.
What should we have done? We should have posted the faces of those he slaughtered and remembered them...mourned them. We should stop going into the details of this shooter's life, painting him as this mysterious figure...and call him what he was. A sick boy who did a sick thing.
It is hard not to look at the negative, when a thing like that is STILL being shown on the news, but the car bomb in Baghdad that killed a hundred and thirty some odd people in one blast barely got a day of airtime.
It is hard not to be cynical when the Pentagon extends troop tours to fifteen months time in country...to include those that have already been over here for nearly a year. Many found out...how? Not by their commanders sitting them down and explaining it...but by seeing it on the news. Their spouses...like mine, were informed of the extension via "Breaking News."
So...apparently we are doing such a good job that they need us to stay longer, though they don't want to fund us anymore and they are making statements that the "War in Iraq is Lost." Again...they don't realise the impact their words have on our morale over here.
But...all that is a cynical mindset that would lead one to think I was depressing those who read my stuff.
I am closing in on the end of my tour. (Fortunately for me...and other Individual Augmentees...the extension does not effect us.) I have twenty five days left as of now...and I am more excited than I can even describe. Iraq has changed me, yes. But I hope that it hasn't done so in a negative way...or for too long.
I am the same guy that came out here a year ago...just with a bit of a different view of things, I guess. I still think life is too short to take too seriously, and being an asshole should be reserved for times when it is only absolutely necessary. I am still a self proclaimed geek...when I am not being Sergeant Newman. Now, I just appreciate things more than I ever thought I would.
Now...I am sitting here, wondering if any of this makes any sense to those of you who are reading this. Why? Because this all stemmed from my inability to sleep. My mind has a tendency to wander and half the time I don't even know if I make sense.
I'm going back to bed...not that I'll sleep or anything...but it's worth a try.
Insomnia Sucks.
SFC NEWMAN
OUT
posted by Unknown at 11:35 AM
4 Comments:
I get the whole insomnia thing - I am reading this after midnight!
Loved it - as usual.
Mom
Praying for some sweet sleep in the coming nights. I think of you often and keep you uplifted. Big hugs, Luke.
I hope you will find a good night's sleep soon! Take care, Sarge. Glad to see your post and your countdown will be over before you know it!
Hey Luke,
Birgitte told me to be sure to read your latest post. I hope Andrea did too! You are such a fantaisc writer. Stay safe and look forward to seeing you at school upon your return.
Heather
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