A Little Goes a Long Way

It was cool outside as I walked to work this morning. I was tired...as usual these days...but the fresh air felt good. It's getting to the point where I can't have the window open during the day because the temperature is getting up there. SO, I spend all night working inside...and all day sleeping in a tiny trailer with no fresh air. The cool morning breeze this morning helped wake me up.

It was a little thing, but it helped a lot. And that is something that I noticed about things in general the longer I am out here.

The little things seem so much bigger.

That could be a good and a bad thing. Good, because of things like the breeze. It was more than enough to energize me and get me ready for my shift. Bad, because things that I can normally let roll off my back grate on my nerves even more lately.

I've mentioned how noisy the cleaning crew is that comes by everyday and cleans the common areas of the trailers. At first...that was no big deal. Now...when I hear them, I get so upset that I can hear them that I can't sleep...even after they are gone. It's a little thing...the noise they make and it only lasts a few minutes. But, it is more than enough to throw my mood.

What gets tough sometimes is when the little things pile up. Last week was tough out here...as attacks were up. It was bad enough at one point that we raised the uniform posture...which means that we had to wear our body armor ANYTIME we were outside.

It is a small thing, to put on the armor to walk back to the trailer, or back here to work. But for some...it was torture. But that little thing could save a life. Still, some of the people out here refused to wear their gear properly. They would walk around without helmets on, or with their armor open in the front, just slung over their shoulders. As my room mate said..."You can't save them from themselves."

Then, I received a few little bits of news. There were about three different e-mails or phone calls and each one was a different piece of bad news. None of them, alone, were too much to handle...but three in a row? It was tough.

I could feel exactly how long the next "fifty-some" days were going to be. How do you deal with stuff like that?

I just said a little prayer.

So...I try not to focus on it and I try to keep myself positive. Even with the little things.

My nightly phone call is still what keeps me going. It is one of the littlest things I have out here. My conversation with my daughter lasts less than two minutes, usually. But it is all worth it...when I hear those four LITTLE words. "I love you, Daddy." My son has been talking more lately. He seems even more interested in what I am doing here. It is nice...but it shows me that he is dying for me to be back...to talk to face to face, and to play with...just a little.

I am fortunate enough to work with some very talented soldiers and sailors. Two of them in particular are getting out of the military after this tour in Iraq is over. They would do well if they stayed in and I would love to work with them again later in my career. (This is something I don't often say...)

I asked one of them why he was getting out. He told me all of his various reasons...one of which stuck out to me.

"There's just no appreciation for what we do," he said. "I mean...even from the chain of command."

I thought about this...and he's right. I asked if he felt that EVERYONE in his chain made him feel that way. He said no...that people like myself weren't like that. But there was too much of the other way. "You're the minority, Sergeant Newman," he said to me.

I told him that I understand, and that I feel the same way. We often don't get a thank you or the recognition we feel we deserve. But, for me, instead of getting out...I plan to stay in and hopefully be that leader that stands out by showing his people what they mean to him. It's not much when one guy says "You are doing a great job." But sometimes it is enough.

I had a Colonel out here tell me that he thought I should try to get assigned to the same station he worked at back in the states. I asked why...and he said, "So you can work for me back there." He said that if he had the choice from a list of people...he would pick me to work with. It was a little comment...but it meant a LOT.

So it makes me wonder how much we say on a day to day basis is taken to heart. There are things that are said...that may almost seem to be out of habit. "I love you" at the end of a phone call, perhaps. But try NOT saying it one time...and see how much of an impact that may have. The question "What's wrong?" may come up.

Try saying "Thank you," to the cashier at Starbucks when you pay for your drink, or even ask them how they are doing. Watch the look on the face of the lady who you just held the door for...for no reason. Imagine the strange looks you will get when you, for no apparent reason, pay for the coffee for the guy in line behind you.

None of that is very much...but it could have a huge impact. I guess what I'm saying is that now...I will pay attention to the little things I say or do as I go through my day. As I am learning here...A little goes a long way.

SFC NEWMAN
OUT

Dream a Little Dream For Me

"Stars shining bright above you, night breezes seem to whisper, "I love you". Birds singing in the sycamore tree, "Dream a little dream of me". Say "nighty-night" and kiss me. Just hold me tight and tell me you'll miss me. While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me."

I first heard that song in a movie that shared the same title. "Dream a little Dream of Me." It's an older movie...with the Cory's...one of them at least. (I think it was Cory Feldman...anyway.) For some reason, the lyrics have stuck with me. And I sing them to myself frequently. It's one of those irritating songs that gets stuck in my head and I can't get rid of.

I have always told my kids to "Have sweet dreams" when I put them to bed. In fact, we found a set of little wooden letters painted in pink a pink checkerboard pattern that spell out "Sweet Dreams" and have them hanging on the wall above the head of my daughter's bed. To me...it is important that my kids do have sweet dreams.

To me, it indicates that things are alright. If everything in your life is going smooth enough and you are comfortable enough with the series of moments that make up your day...then you can have sweet dreams. I love having days like that...and dreams that make me smile.

On occasion, I will have the odd...or strange dream. One that just makes you go "HUH?"

Like one time, I dreamed that the two guys I work with on night shift, and I, were super heroes...and that we had to fight evil German ninjas (hey...it's my dream...just go with it...) and we were really good at kung fu fighting in slow motion and once we were done fighting all the German ninjas...the President threw us a parade. I woke up laughing at that one...I mean who would throw us a parade for that? Seriously? We were just doing our jobs.

Anyone who knows me won't be surprised by this...they think I'm weird to begin with, and the thought of what I might dream about scares them, quite frankly. That's OK...I kind of like that some people are afraid to get into my head.

Dreams fascinate me...to put it lightly. I love how people try to interpret what they mean. There are some very educated people out there who have spend a lot of money and even more time on the topic of dreams and their hidden meanings. I think a lot of them are crackpots.

OK...they say we've a dream at some point in our lives where we suddenly realize that we are naked. (I honestly have never had that dream...I guess it is because I know what I look like naked...and I don't want to see that...even in my dreams.) But, anyway...they say we all have it and it usually means that you are trying to hide something and are afraid that people can see right through you...or that you have been caught off guard by something...or that you are unprepared for something that is about to happen in your life.

(Except Freud...He would say that you have repressed your true self and in your dreams the fact that you are naked means you are in love with your mother, and want to be in a romantic relationship with your goldfish...or something like that.)

OK...I'll buy that (except the Freud thing). But what if you really are just having a dream about being naked...because you have a fear of being naked? I don't know.

One of my favorite dreams to have (That I can write about here, at least...hmmmm....) is one where I'm flying. I have this dream a lot...and I just love it. Now...often times when this happens in my dreams, I know that I am dreaming...sort of. At least I know that what I am doing isn't going to last long...and I want to keep flying for as long as I can. Mostly because it is really fun...and I think if I could have any super power in real life...it would be flying.

The experts say that it suggests that I am on top of a situation. That I have risen above something. It may also mean that I have gained a different perspective on things. Well...that's kind of the whole point of this Blog...now isn't it.

The problem is that lately...for the most part...I have not been having sweet dreams. I have recurring dreams lately...nightmares. And it's no wonder why...look at where I am and what I do for a living. I am surprised I sleep at all sometimes.

Let's examine for a minute...what the experts say may cause nightmares.

Life - The way your life is going and the larger society as a whole can contribute to nightmares. Your perception of the world, heath, natural disasters, criticism about politics, finances, crime in the streets and your inability to control such events may sometimes lead to nightmares.

Stress - The way you handle and deal with stress can trigger nightmares. Nightmares are a normal response to unacceptable levels of fear and stress.

Work - Since most of us spend the majority of our day at work, it is no surprise that work-related issues are a common source for your nightmares. The nightmare may reflect feelings of frustration and an inability to control your work-related issues. People in high-stress level or high-risk jobs often report of having nightmares. Nightmares of this nature may appear as you being attacked, chased, or being out of control.

Wow...maybe they do know what they are talking about. I can relate to all of those reasons and can agree that some of them are exactly what my nightmares are about. I have woken up here more times than I care to remember in a cold sweat, with my heart racing, and (the worst part of all...) alone.

"While I'm alone and blue as can be, dream a little dream of me."

See...there it is again. And I've noticed that I sing that to myself after I've had a nightmare. For the whole next day...I will have that little tune running through my head. It helps.

They say that a high frequency of nightmares can be a sign of being overwhelmed and excessive stress which should be dealt with. Now...before I get a million comments telling me to go get help and talk to someone...you all need to understand...I am dealing with it. That's why you are reading this.

My outlet is my writing. I can talk to people about it, and do...but I have found that writing about it...just like this...helps more than anything. Do I need to go into details about what the nightmares actually are?

No.

For me...just putting the situation out there helps...a lot. And I don't think details are appropriate to share here...because one thing I will agree with the experts on...Dreams are personal and mean different things to different people. So what I see in my bad dreams may mean something completely different to someone else.

SO, why am I bringing this up? Well...because I think I will have a handle on it soon. If you look at all the reasons the experts say one may have nightmares...which I agree with...I will be out of most of those situations in a couple of months.

I can get back to having more sweet dreams than nightmares. I don't want you all thinking that all I do is have bad dreams. Out of an average week, I probably remember dreaming four or five of those days. Of those four or five dreams...two or three are nightmares. It's a lot, yes...but that's why I'm writing about it.

I know that once I am home...they will stop. Not completely...but for the most part. I will have the odd nightmare just like anyone else...but it won't be the norm. I wish I could say the same for some of my fellow soldiers. I know there are some who go home and will never sleep through the night again.

I ask that you think of them...pray for them if that's what you do. Know that they sacrificed so much to be over here and do what was asked...not necessarily knowing that those sacrifices would include never having another peaceful nights sleep.

I have talked to people before...soldiers who work for me...serve in my units...who have said that they can't see the positive in certain situations. That they can't hope for a good outcome. I tell them that it's alright...I will do the hoping for them. I will see the positive when they can't. It's my job sometimes to do all the hoping, and be the strong role model that they can turn to.

Who do I turn to?

I find myself in a similar situation. I can't seem to stop the bad dreams. I can't seem to keep the nightmares in check for now. So, while I am here, and I can't have the sweet dreams, maybe someone back there will "Dream a Little Dream" for me.

SFC NEWMAN
OUT