A final Salute

An odd thing happens to a person when it is their business to deal in unpleasant things. I've heard it described before as a 'numbness' or desensitizing to the harsh realities of our work. I have even experienced it. When I first joined the Army, I was in the Presidential Honor Guard...better known as the 3rd US INFANTRY, THE OLD GUARD. One of our primary functions in that job was to conduct funerals in and around the National Capital area...to include high profile funerals in Arlington National Cemetery.

While I was assigned to the Old Guard, I conducted an excess of two thousand funerals. (Yes...thousand!) Every one of them was a service member, or former service member. Most of them had reached a ripe old age and had passed of natural causes...(This was between 1996 and 2001). The first hundred or so where hard...burying all these guys and having to see the pain the families went through. After that, they got easier to do. Soon, in order to cope...it was just another thing we did a few times a day...for the most part.

The thing I never was able to get used to...and for every one of those two thousand plus funerals sent chills down my spine and a tear to my eye...was the playing of TAPS. It was the final goodbye...and the first three solemn notes of that song still, to this day, bring a tear to my eye and a sadness to my heart.

Now...I find myself quickly becoming numb once again. I am forced to desensitize and detach myself from the personal side of my work. Baghdad, Iraq is one relentless place. In the two and a half hours since I started my shift tonight six mortars were fired in the city...five of them at a school. Those attacks killed six civilians and injured a total of fifty-four. There were also thirteen unidentified bodies found. Most of those were shot in the head, bound at the wrists and blindfolded. There was also a kidnapping. And that's just the stuff that was reported...we estimate about half the stuff that happens is never reported. (Note that none of the stuff mentioned above involves Military Personnel at all...these are just the issues the Iraqi people deal with...and these are the Unclassified reports...I can't even go into most of the other stuff...)

So it is clear why I have to detach myself and just report what comes in. If I reacted to each of these reports, I'd quickly loose any sense of sanity I have. I naturally want to get upset and mourn for any loss of life...but I have a mission to accomplish and have taught myself to push emotion to the back burner and "Soldier on."

Which is why today is a strange day for me. To say that there is a 'normal' day out here is strange in and of itself...but today is particularly off for me. I found out several days ago that one of MY soldiers was killed in Afghanistan last week.

This hit me hard. I wasn't prepared for it and I don't know why. When I was a Recruiter, I enlisted this young man into the Army and I was up front with him. "If you join the Army in this day and age," I said to him during one of our interviews. "You will most likely end up 'over there' at some point." He was OK with that...as a matter of fact, it was part of why he wanted to join.

Justin Davis graduated from Colonel Zadok Magruder High School in Gaithersburg, MD last year...and soon after, left for Ft. Benning, GA. He attended Basic Training and his advanced school there, graduating as an Infantryman. He then returned to Gaithersburg Recruiting station to work with me for a couple of weeks as a 'Hometown Recruiter.'

No one was more excited about Justin being in the Army, than Justin. He told everyone he met how much he loved it and tried to convince everyone that they should go talk to the recruiter. (When I say everyone...that includes the girls working at the Amish Market...yes, the AMISH GIRLS working at the market...)

He then reported to Ft. Drum, NY with the Tenth Moutnain Division and promptly deployed to Afghanistan. Justin Davis was described as highly motivated and always willing to go the extra mile. He had a positive attitude, even in the worst of circumstances, and cared more about his fellow soldiers than for himself. His willingness to take on the tough tasks earned him the nickname "Make it happen."

It is for this reason that Justin's fellow soldiers are able to call home today. During a patrol, his squad was ambushed. Reports are still being written and I hesitate to publish too much, as I have neither seen nor heard anything in writing...but from what I hear it was Justin's actions and his selfless sacrifice that allowed the rest of his squad to make it out of that ambush alive. I believe he is a Hero and I am proud to serve in the same Army as Justin Davis.

According to his Mother (whom I have spoken to since I found out about the attack...and that was the hardest phone call I've ever made...) she says she is able to carry on knowing that he died doing what he loved. I know she's right...and I'm proud of him. Today, they bury him, one of my Soldiers...one of my friends...in Arlington National Cemetery. Being numb...and detached is next to impossible.

I found this poem the other day. I think it is appropriate. I can see this in my mind...and I think of Justin and all the others who have given the ultimate sacrifice when I read it. I don't know who wrote it, but whoever it was...thank you.

The soldier stood and faced God, Which must always come to pass. He hoped his shoes were shining, just as brightly as his brass.

"Step forward now, you soldier, how shall I deal with you? Have you always turned the other cheek? To My Church have you been true?"

The soldier squared his shoulders and said, "No, Lord, I guess I ain't. Because those of us who carry guns, Can't always be a saint.

I've had to work most Sundays, and at times my talk was tough. And sometimes I've been violent, because the world is awfully rough.

But, I never took a penny that wasn't mine to keep... and I have wondered if I could carry on, When my troubles got too steep.

And I never passed a cry for help, though at times I shook with fear. And sometimes, God, forgive me, I've wept unmanly tears.

I know I don't deserve a place, among the people here. They never wanted me around, except to calm their fears.

If you've a place for me here, Lord, It needn't be so grand. I never expected or had too much, but if you don't, I'll understand."

There was a silence all around the throne, where the saints had often trod. As the soldier waited quietly, For the judgment of his God.

"Step forward now, you soldier, You've borne your burdens well. Walk peacefully on Heaven's streets, You've done your time in Hell."

I sit here now and try to detach myself from the reports that keep comming...knowing that an hour ago my Wife stood in my place at Justin's wake...and I wish I was able to say goodbye myself. Because I could not, she went in my place...to pay my respects and to render a final Salute.

SFC Newman,
Out